I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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