I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
