She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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