I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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