When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
