After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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