I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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