Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
