Your tits are I can't wait for
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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