She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
