very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
