yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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