it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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