i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
