omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
