I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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