I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize