no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am one with the molecules
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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