She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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