just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
