Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
