i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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