just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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