Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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