lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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