i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
