so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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