You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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