i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
