Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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