I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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