Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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