It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
