I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
