Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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