Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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