so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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