Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
