If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
