wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
