Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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