Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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