I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
