I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
