so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
