Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
