it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
