i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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