Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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