go do what you do best...puke behind churches
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
