I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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