I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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