is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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