My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
