Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
