She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my liver is dry heaving
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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