Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
