she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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