don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
