i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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