Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
