Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
