I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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