I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
