I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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