Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
