Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
