Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
