I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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