its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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