When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
