so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
