omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just invented taco cereal.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize