I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
