Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
