i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
