Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
