Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
